Browsing through the facebook pages saw many people with friends.
Hanging out with friends slacking after school. I always wanted that but..
Not everything is easy to find. Other people seems to think that i have lots of friends and was only feeling bored each and every time. But seeing those pictures of people even just playing at the playground and chatting , it felt better than going staying back doing homework or going home using computer. People always jealous or was envious that i knew lots of people older than me. But isn't having and knowing the same aged people better? Although the older friends may "be" your friend , but you are never truly close to them. Even if the outer appearance seems so...
Having someone of the same age, imagine how much craps we could talk about and fun to have.Being close and feeling close.
Recently someone gave me that feeling of the friendship that was truly true. Like it could and will be there but as soon as i received it, its gone. One seconds of confirmation, thousands of nothing. My appearance was happy and had lots of friends.
But which one of them did i truly befriend with? Opening up with them . The older friends i had . It was said that although i had nothing to talk about , But i was comfortable with them. They enjoy mocking and teasing me.. But it doesn't feel real.
All s just temporally .Forget it. It just sucks to be me.

♥ 7:23 AM

You guys changed. In the past did you guys just say me whenever I don't know anything? Why? Now you ask just keep saying Wa you really don't know alot. DON'T YOU KNOW IT MAKES ME FEEL STUPID? Is it fun to make people feel intimated? Yes. It us true that you all are older and I respect you all. I always let you all walk in front. And whatever you all said I didn't talk back. But it just got worst. I really like having out with you all but I just sometimes can't take it. And sometime you all treat me like that without realizing. But hanging out with you all makes me feel like small sister but not only you guys didn't feel that and just think I'm a kid. I wan to call you all friend , chingu . But you say it Greek weird. And calling other people bigger than me maknae and saying ,oh.my group used to calling her that le. And what I thought? Yeah. It sucks to be me. Can't say you guys are my friends or sister . So now what. I'm really touched when you spoke up for me but you unknowingly did same too . I myself don't know why I still wan to hang out with you guys. Maybe someday I will get tired and rather stay home and rot. Or once school opens I won't want to hang out with you all le. I both want and don't want to hang poor with you guys... what's so good about being with you guys when I just feel nothing to you guys. Everytime I talked about big fam is to show that you guys are not important to me but I myself knew clearly that I just want you to hear. But... geez.. just forget it. I just wan to be closer with you guys but its just hard and sometimes you guys just say things that hurts. Only to me... not to Elene... and no one realized. Haha. Nice. .. once again. It just freaking sucks to be me.

♥ 9:16 AM

Its been awhile since i had cried this much...
But hours of crying didnt make me feel better.
Fell asleep. The next morning.. Felt nothing from nothing.
Seeing all those twits again. And still nothing.
What am i feeling now? Sad? Miserable? Dont care? Tired?
The only words i can say is. Dont know.
All those people backing that person make me think.
Am i wrong saying her? Is that called hard work?
With that person just put down the instrument when that person feel like it when that person have no mood?
And slack around everytime? With us helping that person's parts for tens of times and still gets it wrong in the end?
Did that person really put in any effort? Or is the person backing that person up is just fucking stupid or are they just like that person?
Oh i see that person's effort is only a few days before the competition la.
I see SO THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE CALLED HARD WORK!
SO THE FREAKING HARDWORK IS NOT THE DAY U GOT THE SCORE AND START WORKING ON IT BUT WORKING ON IT JUST A FEW DAYS BEFORE THE FUCKING COMPETITION.
IS THAT IT!?? ALL THE FUCKING HUMANS THINK LIKE THAT RIGHT!
AND FUCKINGLY HEAR ONLY ONE SIDE OF THE STORY?
So what's a person calling a person bitch?
A bitcher? Hmmm... from what i see the person saying that is worst than a bitch?
Let's see even if that person is angry with that person but what authority to say that of another person?
If thaat person did well , why would that so called 'bitch' scold or start "bitching' about her?
Angry? what's angry? Posting online and everywhere letting everyone know that you are scolding someone bitch? Ha. just get over it. Continue scolding. I wont let it affect me. Just take it as one of the training im having for the future.
Letting people like or hate. Im just wondering. Is there a difference?
Only friends u can crap all you wan and waste your time.
And without friends u have all the time in the world to think and do what u wan and what u need to do right?
All right. Continue calling me bitch. But i hope. One day when no one backs you up.
How ugly or how disgustingly would u fall. I wont bless you now. But May god curse you.

♥ 11:23 PM

I dont quite understand why i am upset.
I felt like im losing the importance of having that friendship.
I keep asking myself to dont lose that feeling but its really hard to not lose it.
Seeing them clsoe with other people.
Whats wrong wiht me seriously! People got ther own friends right and such difference in age they only thought me as her little sis! Why cant i find someone who is close with me and is my age!!!
All that i have gotten close with are all older than me and wont understand me!
Wae!!! I really hope someone.. Just anyone would see this and just know my feelings.
Last time i was really upset. They tired to cheer me up but it made me feel like a person like me couldnt be sad. Everyone seems to think that Anne have no problems. Always happy.. Why? Cant i have a sad period as well??
I wan and dont wan to see you guys...
I dont know if i am missing you all..
I'm not sure what and how i would feel when i see you all..
Happy or just no feeling? Just in the recent day i really wanted to see you all but now.
I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM CONFUSED WITH?!
With them hanging out with their own friends? Am i crazy!?
Stupid me!!! OK we are leading our own life but we still know each other.
It is a fact that we are once a friend and we will always be friends.
Even thought u all have other friends too.
Anne wake. Like you are tolded even if u felt beign loved now, U will soon be alone again.
I will get ready for it.

♥ 8:05 AM

Im still thinking about the badminton thing... Haix felt really bad towards them..
Althought they didnt tell me but i could have just forced myself to go. Rther than making it all even more awkward... Haix and it seems that we are becoming more further apart? Last time every sat we used to have so much fun but because of my stupid mood they keep trying to find topics with me. Stupid me im good at crapping what. Just put my stupid mood aside la! But it seems that they didnt have any feelings about it.. Well i guess its only me? Haix... Althought we are talking like normal, everything doesnt feels right.

♥ 3:14 AM

Haix tiredness came over me.. Today met chemistry teacher really couldnt concentrate.. Tomorrow meeting Social studies teacher.. Thursday band-.- why havent band end? Its taking up my studies time-.- And friday i have to meet 2 or 3 teachers like history phyics and maybe chemistry again... Really cant take it le... but how? this is only the SA2. What if Nlevel time reach? Wouldnt I be much stresser than now? Tired.... go bathe then study again. night...

♥ 4:02 AM

Band is falling. People quiting because of people dont appreciate them. What are this days the kids thinking? Why cant they endure hardhships? No idea... Quiting is the easiest way of eascaping right? Seriously no brains. So the rest of the secondary school life , when seeing band members how? Try to not let themselves be seen? Like the stupipd guy? FUcking no brains children . grow up will they? If slapping them would wake them up should i? Ha. no use to those freaking brainless people.

♥ 4:40 AM